my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
