So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize