I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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