All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
