i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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