Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Are my feet made of real feet?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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