I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
