i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We are two peas in an std pod
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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