Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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