Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
