I just pynch a tree in the face
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
