I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
