my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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