Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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