I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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