he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize