Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
