I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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