He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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