i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
