I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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