Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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