This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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