Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
