I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
