once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
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He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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