Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
