Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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