and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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