when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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