In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
