Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
