i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
