is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
