Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
