What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
