she woke up with a sticky ear
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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