Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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