3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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