Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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