i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
