I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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