3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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