A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
