That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
