I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize