I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
