At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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