I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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