I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
