my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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