party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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