You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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