Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
