I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
