my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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