Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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