i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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