my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
