nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
