so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But break dance skills will only take you so far
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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