It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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