i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
