dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
