Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
