i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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