She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
